I find myself with a new haircut and an urge to write...as I regaled Sam and Bill at Nymbol's Secret Garden with horror stories from crushes past, I came to realize that, for the most part, there is enough distance so that many of the once crushing (pun intended) stories have become humorous. So I thought I might share a few...I guess I will change the names to protect the innocent...perhaps.
Before I delve into my past humorous humiliations concerning encounters with the opposite sex, I'd like to say that up until the 2nd grade, I was doing alright. I had a boyfriend that I held hands with in pre-school (his name was Lars) and my five year old self was sure that I had nothing to worry about when it came to dating. Ha.
Since Valentine's Day is on the horizon, I'll share this jewel from 5th grade. I had a massive crush on a young fellow named Brendan. I knew I was madly in love with him (as only a geeky fifth-grade girl can be) ever since we played the leads in the 5th grade play. It depicted the life and times of Harriet Tubman and since we were all white kids, the teacher opted, out of necessity, to go for gender-blind casting. Yes, everyone, I played Harriet Tubman. Which is wrong on oh-so-many levels. I know that now. But my 5th grade self was ready for the challenge of playing this part. I thought it had been written for me. This was going to be my big break...
Brendan played my abusive husband. I am afraid that this started what has become a life-long pattern and hazard as an actress: becoming infatuated with my leading men who tend to ignore me in real life. Brendan was tall, dark and handsome (for a fifth-grader) and I was sure that our showmance was going to be one for the history books.
The performances left a bit to be desired. Scratch that. The performance. Singular. (Thankfully.) It took place in the Maywood Elementary School cafetorium. Our audience was the other three fifth grade classes. The show began with the entire cast singing Wade in the Water. I vaguely remember the first scene with dialogue being in the Tubman kitchen, because I threw a handful of dry oatmeal into my husband's face in anger and it all landed on our classmate who was playing our dog. I'm pretty sure I burst out laughing and found it hard to regain my character for the rest of the show.
So Valentine's Day rolls around and I'm determined to do something so perfect that Brendan will be forever mine. I decide to sew a small felt heart pillow stuffed with cotton balls. I sneak in during lunch and place it in his Valentine bag. No note. I'm sure that he'll know I sent it to him.
The pillow causes quite a stir, because he has NO idea who sent it to him. I only tell my friend Rosie that it was me and make her pinkie swear not to tell a single soul. Unfortunately, Rosie's a loudmouth and goes straight to Brendan and tells him. He gives me the nickname "the bad sewer" (or sore, depending how you pronounce it). My ten year old self is crushed and can't understand how he found out because of course Rosie wouldn't have told him. I tried to consider the nickname as endearing, but it didn't quite work...
Join us next post, when I tell of the drama surrounding procuring a date for the 8th grade dance...
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